Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Didn't blog in a long time. Reading back my previous entries, I am kinda glad that they are there as memories, be it good or bad. I think it's time for me to revamp my blog after all the project submissions.
Yes, this time round it is a very long rant again. It is killing me that all the emo stuff are bombarding me yet again. JCG, the source of all my happiness and sadness.
As usual, all the things I am going to mention are all my personal opinions. Not happy? Don't read. I don't need you to interfere with my current take on situations.
Being a person who is born so sensitive, I have strong and special feelings towards many various stuff. Let say, if someone feels sad about a certain incident, I might in fact feel 10 times worse due to my different views and such.
A lot of people are creating a very nice facade.
Many many others don't know but I do. I would wonder why the heck do I know? Why, why me? Why do I ended up being the one to notice these slow and minimal yet stacking problems?
In the end I can't say anything. I can't even do anything that I think I can and I should, in order to ease the pain. Sometimes I think that it is just great to be a thick-skinned idiot cause you'd be able to show everything out instead of having to put up the shield.
Some people are selfish. Some people are scheming. Some people categorize. Some people label.
So do we really know the truth? Do we really understand how everyone truly feels. I just wish I can rip everyone's masks out so I can finally take mine out too. At times, I feel disgusted, both of others and myself.
Really, in the first place, all the political shit stems from all these simple deceptions. If everyone is somehow more open-minded and truthful to their
ownself and others, be it the 'victims', 'murderers', 'judges' or 'bystanders', all the issues would not happen.
Frankly to say with all my years of experience, it is impossible. It just becomes a repetition pattern which I could deem it to be like a ritual, sacrificial one.
Everyone says JCG is like a family. In a way it is, but it is something you have to
work for. There is no such thing as not needed, however you realize even if you are gone, the gap will slowly be filled. Simply to put, it doesn't really matters, life goes on. A lot of people didn't get this (which I would say it is seriously a bliss) until something critical happen to them (which I don't hope so).
Those who think status are something stressful and without benefits, you are
so wrong. Treasure it, as it is something which ensures your position as a roleholder (Read Heart no Kuni no Alice manga and you'll understand lol *gets shot for randomness*)
Sounds depressing huh? I can assure you that these are nothing compare to what I have to comprehen and feeling now. I am somehow scare of the future.
Maybe if I was a guy, I wouldn't have to face all these. Perhaps my life would be easier? Perhaps I would have join a sporty CCA? Perhaps all things would flow differently.
Will there be a person who truly understands?
